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*“आपल्या घरातील प्रत्येक व्यक्ती, त्यांच्या आयुष्यासाठी स्वतः जबाबदार आहे हे समजायला प्रत्येकालाच बराच वेळ लागतो. आयुष्य संपूर्णत्वाकडे जातांना आपल्या पैलतीरावर जाण्याचा प्रवास सुरू झाला की आपल्याला आयुष्यातील माझी महत्त्वाचे सुखकर क्षण हे इतरांच्या व्यथा, चिंता, सोडविण्यासाठी खर्च केली. पण आपल्याला स्वतः साठी काहीच करता आले नाही याचा त्रास होत असतो. त्यातून मग हळूहळू माझे नैराश्य, माझे धैर्य, माझी निद्रानाश आणि माझा तणावताण फक्त आपले कुटुंब, नातेवाईकांच्या समस्या सोडवण्यात गेले. पण हे करताना मी तर माझ्या समस्या वाढवतेय, हे कळायला आपल्या प्रत्येकाला अनेक वर्षे लागतात.”*
*मी कोणाच्याही कृतीसाठी जबाबदार नाही आणि तुम्हा सर्वांना आनंद देणे हे माझे काम नाही. मी फक्त मी केलेल्या कृतीवर दिलेल्या प्रतिक्रियांसाठी जबाबदार आहे. माझे विचार, भावना, वागणे मी बदलू शकते आणि तुम्ही तुमचे.”*
*आपल्याला आपल्या मनावर पुर्वजांपासूनच हे बिंबवले गेले आहे की आपण इतरांनी केलेल्या बेजबाबदार पणाला किंवा चूकीसाठी जबाबदार आहोत. हे मनावर बिंबवले गेले आहे त्यामुळे आपण स्वतःहून स्त्रीला आई आणि पत्नी म्हणून आम्ही सर्व घरातील गोष्टींसाठी जबाबदार म्हणून स्वीकारले आहे. ‘कुटुंब म्हणजे मी’ हा विचार त्यामुळेच आपल्याला त्रासदायक होतो. आपल्या प्रियजनांनी कठीण प्रसंगातून जावे किंवा संघर्ष करावा असे आपल्याला कधीच वाटत नाही. प्रत्येकाने आनंदी व्हावे अशी आमची इच्छा आहे. परंतु, जितक्या लवकर आपण ती जबाबदारी आपल्या खांद्यावरून काढून प्रत्येक प्रिय व्यक्तीवर टाकू, तितकेच चांगले. आपण त्यांनाही जबाबदार होण्यासाठी तयार करू.*
*प्रत्येकाला खुश करण्यासाठी, सर्वकाही बनण्यासाठी, आपण पृथ्वीवर आलो नाहीत. स्वतःवर दबाव आणणे थांबवा आणि मोकळेपणाने जगा. मग कुटुंब ही आनंदात जगेल आणि तुम्हीही!*
*प्रियाताई चार दिवस झोपल्या नव्हत्या. त्यांना थकल्यासारखे वाटत होते. बराच दिवसापासून त्यांची स्वतःची खूप चिडचिड होत होती. मन उदास झालेले होते, आयुष्य बेचव वाटत होतं आणि उत्साह हरवला होता. त्यांनी आपल्या फॅमिली डॉक्टरला दाखवले. त्यांच्याच सल्ल्याने त्यांनी मनोविकार तज्ञ डॉक्टरांना दाखवून औषधे चालू केली.*
एके दिवशी त्यांचे पती त्यांना म्हणाले:- “हे बघ प्रिया मी तीन महिन्यांपासून नवीन नोकरी शोधत आहे आणि मला काही नवीन चांगली नोकरी मिळत नाही, मी मित्रांसह बिअर पिण्यास जाणार आहे.”
प्रियाताईंनी शांतपणे ऐकले आणि उत्तर दिले, ‘ठीक आहे’.
दुपारी प्रियाताईंचा छोटा मुलगा तिला म्हणाला ,”आई, माझा JEE अभ्यास नीट होत नाही, सर्वच विषयांमध्ये कमी मार्क येतील अस वाटते आहे.मी परीक्षा देणार नाही”
प्रियाने त्याला जवळ घेतले आणि बोलली, “ठीक आहे, सर्व ठीक होईल ,पण यावर परीक्षा न देणे हा योग्य उपाय नाही, जर कमी मार्क आले तर पुन्हा पुढील वर्षी अजून चांगली तयारी कर आणि परीक्षा दे.”
सायंकाळी प्रियाच्या मुलीचा फोन आला ती म्हणाली, “आई, कॉलेजला जाताना माझी स्कुटी बंद झाली आहे. मला लवकर कॉलेजला जायचं होते”
प्रियाने उत्तर दिले, “ठीक आहे, तू गाडी जवळच्या दुकानात घेऊन जा आणि पैसे ATM मधून काढ आणि जर गाडी दुरुस्त होत नसेल तर बसने कॉलेजला जा.
काही वेळात दरवाज्याची बेल वाजली, प्रियाच्या् सासूबाई आलेल्या होत्या.
“माझी आणि मोठ्या सुनेची भांडणे झाली आहेत. मी काही दिवस इथे राहणार आहे.”
प्रियाने त्यांचे स्वागत केले आणि बोलली, “ठीक आहे,बाजूची बेडरूम खाली आहे. जेवढे दिवस राहायचे मजेत रहा”
प्रियाताईंकडून येणाऱ्या या त्यांच्या नेहमीपेक्षा निरनिराळ्या प्रतिक्रिया पाहून सर्वजण काळजीत पडले. प्रियाताईंचा स्वभाव पूर्ण बदलला होता.
सर्वांना शंका आली की त्या ज्या मानसोपचार डॉक्टरकडे गेल्या होत्या त्याने त्यांना काही विचित्र गोळ्या लिहून तर दिल्या नाहीत वा त्यांनी स्वतः कदाचित त्या गोळ्याचा ओव्हरडोज तर घेत असतील!
त्यानंतर घरातील सर्वांनी प्रियाताईंशी बोलण्याचं ठरवलं, त्यांची psychiatrist चे उपचार बंद करावे असे ठरले.
घरातील सर्वजण रात्री जेवल्यावर एकत्र जमले. त्यांनी जे ठरवले होते ते त्यांना सांगितले.
सर्वांचं ऐकून प्रिया बोलली,
“आपल्या घरातील प्रत्येक व्यक्ती त्यांच्या आयुष्यासाठी जबाबदार आहे हे समजायला मला बराच वेळ लागला. माझी व्यथा, चिंता, माझे नैराश्य, माझे धैर्य, माझी निद्रानाश आणि माझा तणावताण फक्त तुमच्या समस्या सोडवण्यात गेला. पण हे करता मी तर माझ्या समस्या वाढवतेय, हे कळायला मला अनेक वर्षे लागली.”
“आई, ते कसे काय” तिची मुलगी बोलली.
“होय, मी बरोबर बोलते आहे, मी कोणाच्याही कृतीसाठी जबाबदार नाही आणि तुम्हा सर्वांना आनंद देणे हे माझे काम नाही. मी केलेल्या कृतीवर दिलेल्या प्रतिक्रियांसाठी जबाबदार आहे. माझे विचार, भावना, वागणे मी बदलू शकते आणि तुम्ही तुमचे.” “पण तुला अचानक असे का वाटायला लागले” तिचा नवरा बोलला.
“अचानक नाही.बरीच वर्षे लागली.तुमची सर्वांची खूप काळजी, चिंता, सेवा करून मी खूप थकले होते. नैराश्याच्या आजारातून जाता जाता मी या निष्कर्षापर्यंत पोहोचले की माझे स्वतःचे कर्तव्य आहे की शांत राहणे आणि तुमच्यापैकी प्रत्येकाला तुमच्याशी संबंधित असलेल्या गोष्टी सोडवायला देणे.”
“आई तू अशी न वागता, योगा मेडिटेशन कर, मन शांत राहील.” मुलगा बोलला.
“मी योग, ध्यान, चमत्कार, स्वयं विकास पुस्तके आणि न्यूरोलिंगुइस्टिक प्रोग्रामिंगचे अभ्यासक्रम केले आणि मनोविकार डॉक्टरकडे ही औषधे करते आहे. माझी झोप,मूड यामुळे चांगला झाला. मी डॉक्टरांना विचारले की “माझी औषधे कधी बंद होणार?” त्यांनी मला सांगितले,”नैराश्य चिंता आजार सहा महिने योग्य प्रमाणात डॉक्टरी सल्ल्याने औषधे घेतली की बरा होतो. पण तुमची औषधे बंद होणे तुमच्या हातात आहे. जो पर्यंत स्वभाव आणि जीवनशैली बदलणार नाही तो पर्यत ते शक्य नाही. त्यांनी मला माझ्या दु:खाच कारण शोधायला सांगितले” त्या मनमोकळेपणे बोलल्या.
“मी जेव्हा विचार केला तेव्हा माझ्या लक्षात आलं की मी फक्त स्वतःवर नियंत्रण ठेवू शकते, तुमच्या स्वतःच्या समस्या कितीही कठीण असल्या तरी त्या सोडवण्यासाठी तुमच्याकडे सर्व आवश्यक संसाधने आहेत. माझे काम तुमच्यासाठी प्रार्थना करणे, तुमच्यावर प्रेम करणे, तुम्हाला प्रोत्साहन देणे हे आहे परंतु तुमच्या समस्या सोडवणे आणि तुमचा आनंद शोधणे हे तुमच्यावर अवलंबून आहे.”
“तुम्ही मला विचारले तरच मी तुम्हाला माझा सल्ला देऊ शकते आणि ते पाळायचे की नाही हे तुमच्यावर अवलंबून आहे. तुमच्या निर्णयांचे चांगले किंवा वाईट परिणाम आहेत आणि तुम्हांला ते स्वीकारावे लागतील , अनुभवावे लागतील.”
“आता पुढे काय ठरवलं आहेस?” सासूबाई बोलल्या.
“आतापासून मी माझ्या जबाबदाऱ्यांचे योग्य प्रकारे विभाजन करण्यासाठी योग्य प्रकारे पार पडण्यासाठी सर्व जबाबदाऱ्या विभागून देणार आहे. पण तुमच्यामुळे तयार झालेली अपराधाची, पश्चात्तापाची भावना मनात ठेवणार नाही. तुमच्या चुकांची वकिली करणार नाही, तुमच्या जबाबदारी माझ्या खांद्यावर घेणार नाही, तुमची कर्तव्य तुम्हाला पार पाडावी लागतील. आजपर्यंत मी तुम्हाला सर्वानाच लहान मुलासारखी जपत होते. आतापासून, मी तुम्हाला सर्व स्वतंत्र आणि स्वयंपूर्ण प्रौढ घोषित करते.” प्रिया धीरगंभीर होऊन बोलली.
प्रियाताईंच्या घरचे सगळेच अवाक झाले होते. त्या दिवसापासून, कुटुंब अधिक चांगले कार्यरत झाले कारण आता घरातील प्रत्येकाला माहित होते की त्याची जबाबदारी काय आहे आणि त्यांना नेमके काय करणे आवश्यक आहे. शांती हरवलेली मनःशांती परतली होती आणि सर्व औषधे बंद झाली होती.
आपल्यापैकी काहीं लोकांसाठी हे सर्व खूप कठीण आहे, कारण आपण काळजीवाहू म्हणून मोठे झालो आहोत. आपण इतरांसाठी जबाबदार आहोत हे मनावर बिंबले गेले आहे. आई आणि पत्नी म्हणून आम्ही सर्व स्वीकारले आहे. ‘कुटुंब म्हणजे मी’ हा विचार आपल्याला त्रासदायक होतो. आपल्या प्रियजनांनी कठीण प्रसंगातून जावे किंवा संघर्ष करावा असे आपल्याला कधीच वाटत नाही. प्रत्येकाने आनंदी व्हावे अशी आमची इच्छा आहे.परंतु, जितक्या लवकर आपण ती जबाबदारी आपल्या खांद्यावरून काढून प्रत्येक प्रिय व्यक्तीवर टाकू, तितकेच चांगले. आपण त्यांनाही जबाबदार होण्यासाठी तयार करू.
प्रत्येकाला खुश करण्यासाठी, सर्वकाही बनण्यासाठी, आपण पृथ्वीवर आलो नाहीत. स्वतःवर दबाव आणणे थांबवा आणि मोकळेपणाने जगा. मग कुटुंब ही आनंदात जगेल आणि तुम्हीही!
तुम्हीच स्वतःला ठणकावून सांगितले पाहिजे की, मी कोणाच्याही कृतीसाठी जबाबदार नाही आणि तुम्हा सर्वांना आनंद देणे हे माझे काम नाही. मी केलेल्या कृतीवर दिलेल्या प्रतिक्रियांसाठी जबाबदार आ।हे.माझे विचार, भावना, वागणे मी बदलू शकते आणि तुम्ही तुमचे.”
लेखन, संकल्पना आणि संकलन :- ऊर्मीला भारती, राष्ट्रीय कोशाध्यक्ष, हिंदू धर्मगुरु दशनाम गोस्वामी आखाडा.*
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